Thursday, 17 September 2015

Jet-Laggery; Fag-Staggery

 
Flying long haul is the strangest thing. Asides from the basic fact that human beings are just not designed to sit for eleven hours, with the only the odd wander up and down an aisle to ensure a modicum of physical activity, time sort of both stretches and contracts, and although, after the first 90 minutes, I usually feel like chewing my own arm off from boredom, the flight from London to Los Angeles also seemed to pass in a trice. For those who recall my last blog/s, you may remember how I much I hated Boeing 777 aircraft, AND how much I hated Air New Zealand (fish stew as a dinner choice?!). Well, sadly, cost reduction meant that yesterday I once again found myself on an Air New Zealand 777. For anyone who hasn’t seen their latest safety video, look it up on You Tube. IMO, it really does make you want to punch the nearest flight attendant! The good thing was that I was able to sleep for some of the journey, courtesy of Sominex. This over-the-counter medication is only available in the US (British Sominex is a different drug), so two of them and a few glasses of sauvignon blanc, and BAM! No doubt I was snoring and dribbling excessively, but surely preferable to the two yowling babies behind and to the right? A couple of hours before we landed (scheduled 19:35 local time), we were served afternoon tea - with scones!
  
The ever present drive towards adopting new technologies meant a ‘new’ immigration process for visa-waiver passengers – self-service machines, which seemed designed to test the wits of battle-weary travellers, but I managed to get US Customs and Immigration to accept me, and eventually emerged into the warmth and tumult of LAX street level. Went and found a cab, and we were off into the LA night. Hilariously, the Italian (I think) cab driver sympathised with my long journey and insisted I smoke! In the cab!! In Los Angeles!!! Serious nicotine rush as we chatted about soccer (not kidding). By the way, if you ever fly into LA, be aware that taxis are very expensive. My trip was 15-20 minutes and cost about £45, but what they hey. 
 
My base for the next few weeks is in mid-town, just below LA High School (look it up). Was given a perfunctory welcome and quick tour of the guest-accessible facilities by G (doing his masters in IT, he explained) and was left to sort out my life. Had a brief wobble when I discovered that I hadn’t set up a security PIN to access voicemail while here (now sorted), and once again realised that there are ‘dog people’ (me) and ‘cat people’ (mein hosts).  Two feline beasties eyed me with disdain, and of course tried to get into my room. Denied! I had to get up for a pee in the night, and in the gloom managed to kick one that was lying across a door way (not intentional, honest!). The place is a wee bit tatty, but it’ll do.
  
Wide awake at 3.00am. Eventually dozed off, and have now just had coffee (complicated pod-type machine) an am about to do the ridiculous set of exercises the physio has given me. These can only done in strictest privacy, otherwise am sure a crowd will gather to point and stare as this British pot-bellied man attempts to impersonate a fat giraffe (Rob suggested fat flamingo, but that’s going a wee bit too far, don’t you think?).
  
The day beckons. What’ll happen is anyone’s guess!

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